BTA Entertainment

March 7, 2017

Fox Feltman

Get ready for controversy: Kids or no kids at weddings.

Your friendships are about to be tested. If you’re prepared, you can minimize the damage.

I refer, of course, to that timeless issue of whether or not to let your friends bring their children to your wedding. Sure its a very cute idea in your head, until wedding day arrives and not only are the children not cooperating, neither are the parents who are supposed to be watching over their children.

You face two scenarios when it comes to Kids at weddings

SCENARIO #1: The sweet little things alternate between cooing and napping during your ceremony if infants, are restless is toddlers, or are just defiant if over 5.

SCENARIO #2: The little monsters scream to high heaven throughout the wedding ceremony. You have to ask the officiant to repeat the vows a second and a third time before you can hear them over the din. All of this is captured by your wedding videographer. Forever. And we haven’t even gotten to the reception yet!

Whew!

Okay … scenario #1 is the likely outcome. Scenario #2 It also happens, meaning infrequently or almost never., more then most think

.

Here’s what to do: you know your friends with children. Are they reasonable when it comes to their kids? If their baby/infant/toddler gets fussy during the ceremony, will they discreetly step out to avoid disrupting your event? Or are they the type that believes the world revolves them, their needs, their convenience, and their kids, who by the way, can do no wrong?

If you expect and areok with these scenarios, invite away. If not, don’t. Or simply say "No Children".

If in doubt, simply remember that this is your day, not theirs.

Most people do view marriage as a community celebration

Many brides and grooms love inviting families, complete with their kids. Wonderful. But you don’t have to. In 2017 more and more brides are saying "No Kids".

Some brides recognize unique situations. For example, if guests make a trek in from out of town, it may be tough for them to find someone to come in for the weekend to watch the kid(s), especially if a mother is still nursing her baby.

If you’re willing to include children for these reasons, you might want to make arrangements for a side room with childcare in case your guests would rather park their kids than tend to them during either the ceremony or reception. A teenage family member works great to watch the children

If you make the decision that you do not want children, do so with this understanding:

It is perfectly just, moral, and practical.
You may have a friend/family member ask for an exception.

When sending out invitations, simply address it to the person who is invited:

Mr. and Mrs. John Smith or… Bobbi-Jean Smith & Guest

If kids are welcome, you’ll simply address the invitation as Mr. and Mrs. John Smith & Family.

If babies and kids are not invited, inevitably, your friend, Bobbi-Jean, is going to give you a call with this request:

“Say … you wouldn’t mind if I brought little Clarabelle, would you?”

This is key: know exactly what you want. Have a prepared response rehearsed and ready to go.

If you’re willing to make exceptions, then life is simple. You’ll use Response #1:

RESPONSE #1: “For you, of course. Little Clarabelle is such a lovely little doll. We are going to make arrangements for a side room and child care for kids and to give you more flexibility during the ceremony and/or reception?”

If you really don’t want babies, infants, or children at your ceremony or reception, you’ll want to use something more along the lines of Response #2:

RESPONSE #2: “You know, we really looked at this closely with our Coordintor. He/She really encouraged us to keep the event adults only, and we’re taking her advice. [But she had a great suggestion. She said if any of our guests wanted to bring kids, we can make arrangements for a side room and provide a list of reputable child care providers for those parents interested in the service. Would you like me to forward you the list?]”

If you really don’t want to mess with around with kids, only use the first two sentences above and lop off the section in brackets.

If you have a particularly persistent friend or family member, you know the type who begs:

“Pleeez … couldn’t you make a teeny weeny exception for my sweet little Clarabelle. She won’t make a peep. You’ll never know she was there. Pleeez, pretty pleeeeez”…

… be strong.

Stand your ground. Calmly and without apology, simply say:

“I understand, Bobbi-Jean, but the answer is no. We have intentionally planned for an all-adult wedding celebration, and we’re going to stick with our plan.”

You may have a better way to say it. If yes, think it through and be ready in case you’re put in the uncomfortable situation described above.

Remember, this is YOUR wedding.

4 examples of issues we have persinally seen with kids at weddings.

1) Bride and Groom are doing their first dance, a parent was not paying attention to their own child. The child ran around the dancefloor during the first dance, the Photographer fell backwards right over the child and his camera broke. Luckily he had a backup and was not hurt.

2) The Garter and Boquet toss is an adult themed tradition, children have been hurt as adults tried to catch these items and if a child actually catches either item, the tradition is over.

3) A number of children running around the dancefloor, again, no one watching over them, knocked a $900 speaker over. all the enrgy was sucked right out of the room.

4) This may be the biggest one to a bride. Once again, no supervision to a child, who went up to the cake and took a handful out of the cake during dinner, knocking over the stint that held up the second tier of a 3 tier cake.

I'll also add that many people will not approach the dancefloor while its full of children.

However these examples are not always the case. with my experience over the years, most parents do NOT supervise their children at weddings.

Choose wisely, remember, you can not do over your day.

Okay, are you ready to sketch out your event? Let BTA Entertainment help you. Call us at 800-985-2821 or email, Fox@btaentertainment.com

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